Monday, November 19, 2012

the oddness

sometimes i think the most attractive thing about someone is how fundamentally weird they are. just because i don't know them and there is something really cool about what makes someone abnormal. maybe it's because i've categorized myself that way for the majority of life. or that people have also categorized me that way. i'd say i present as fairly abnormal. i don't blend well into groups, i most always have to stand out like it's a compulsion. it's because i talk loud, i'm a bit taller than most ladies , i need to ask question, and i always need to be at the center of the action. but i really hate driving a car.

in a vehicle i'd rather someone else knew the route and took the wheel; while i napped, daydreamed or stargazed.

it'd be nice to figure out one day what's so attractive about me , so i can tell people if they ask me that question with a thoroughly formulated answer like: 'well statistically it's my...' or i could start consuming radium and glow like burns. not that that's a bad look or anything.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Sunday, September 30, 2012

trails and nature and things

this afternoon i went to one of my favourite trails in hamilton, which is a path off of the wentworth stairs. the trail is drop dead gorgeous and very steep - it feels like there is a rope tied around waste and someone in front of you is pulling you the whole time. this ensures you are running the whole time, and totally focused on what you are doing. otherwise you are bound to fall face flat on into the mud.
it was a nice break for me today because it reminded of what i really love - the outdoors and animals the wind and trees. i am so lucky to be living so close to so much green stuff!

i took a train ride home with my gal pal/super women friend (kat) on friday afternoon from toronto. i have never done this, and am ashamed i have never done this. 1) because i love trains 2) because the view you get when you are coming around the bay is sensational. just imagine, lots of beautiful greenery, you look to your right then wabam the sun is bright and the water is glistening. i hope they increase go train service soon, because that's worth the 9 dollar and 90 cents trip.

today i also started scrap booking which has resulted in a renewal of my messy room status. it was totally invigorating and such a great way to re-live some of the amazing memories i have had with my closest friends, and family in the past few years. i've visited 8 provinces, and 3 countries. i still have lots to go and lots for my wandering soul to find.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

things i like things i don't

5 things i like about this transition period
1) i wake up whenever the eff i want
2) i go outside and come home whenever i want
3) naps are plentiful
4) exercise is at my leisure
5) i get to hang out with my hilarious family way more

don't like
1) although i am very rarely board, i am fairly often frustrated
2) feeling like i am going nowhere
3) as much as i like my family, i want to be in my own space
4) living in my old hood means running into old hoodlums
5) being totally fucking confused

all in all this period will end (soon I hope) and things will change. just gotta keep truckin'

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

a summary of calgary - photo essay

xross country canada 2

 abandoned train car in rural sask

 late night saskatoon
and she's comin' round the mountain. 

xross country canada

upper berth - via rail train

train viewing car

lovely lake-y ontario

abandoned northern ontario deli-shop

prairie sunset

winnipeg, ghandi statue


eagle mountain panorama view

after climbing grouse mountain

UBC rose garden

vancouver harbour

golden gate bridge - from stanley park

Friday, June 8, 2012

blank slate

masters in hand and wide open eyes. what's next you ask?
i have no idea and for right now i am totally okay with that. 
it's so nice to have the feeling that you can do anything and take some time to figure what that thing is. i am so thankful for this.

felicitation to all my friends who finished their masters today and all of my other friends kicking ass across the globe. 

Saturday, June 2, 2012

lucky butterflies

count them quickly now
as monarchs flutter away
those little blessings. 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

maybe cultural anthropology is useful...

so i have been thinking lately (like usual) about matrices of meaning. if you look at the world around you right now, what you are looking at is an aggregate of atoms that create forms of 'things' , objects, animals and peoples and then a complex web of meaning and value placed upon it. 

i am trying to think how the way we understand these values applies to our own thoughts of ourselves. at times the incorrectly constructed matrix can make you feel MEANINGLESS and worthless because your sense of value has led you to believe so. but that is the thing, it is SO easy to change the perception of what you value and morph that piece of cake you are having into the best experience of your life. or your computer into a vessel of your creativity/destruction. i don't think this is as simple as everything is your perspective per se, but i am getting at the idea of how we choose to fit our ideas into the greater workings. our own identity in some grander local, territorial, global or universal order. religions, cultures and institutions play a huge role in how we understand these systems of meaning how we perceive our present, future and past. i guess that is what has attracted me to policy, because it is an institution that imposes a set of rules and norms onto a public to create order/meet expectations. this isn't a one-way stream of information though, it's interactive/ongoing (symbolic interactionism - google it and have your mind blown). 

the political anthropology is rarely acknowledged  and i should start pursuing this topic in my classes or something. if we acknowledge systems that we work within, and start thinking of things like in the way the matrix was structured or even the most recent brain thriller inception, then we would be able to crawl inside the idea and really figure it out. i was going to write 'make more effective policy' but i mentally slapped myself instead. 

i guess that's what i am thinking about today. capture the power of your brainium and alter your perception...if you dare


Saturday, April 21, 2012

to purely make a dream reality i want to ride this train. i want to have breakfast here, ride my bike and skin my knees. i want to feel the sunshine on my face and have good gelato and whatever other adventure. i want to go here.

Friday, April 20, 2012


you shouldn't regret being yourself if you can truly say that what your actions/words were at that awkward moment and that was you however uncomfortable you can't regret that nope, not one bit.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

live on i said

and closing my diary that way.

some say, the hardest thing is to continue.

to dream, to breathe, eat and continue to believe.

i think it is quite hard these days
as growing pains set in (the mind kind)
as people grow distant
and new formed.

as new friendships become difficult
as old ones seem to shine on, in a different light.

figuring out isn't exactly what i am going for,
just moving on is what i want to do so desperately right now.

my heart like bad molasses is getting through that,

Sunday, April 8, 2012

peace read this

:) this article validated some of my thinking lately which was nice (who doesn't like getting validated?) haha. in any case, don't work too hard, keep in touch and do what makes you happy was the take away.


Friday, April 6, 2012

live long and prosper...

it's easter weekend
i am so happy about this

Thursday, March 29, 2012

the king of carrot flowers

i love that this song comes on every time i am feeling a certain way...and then i get addicted to listening to it

thank goodness

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

la vie simple

to want a simple life, seems obnoxious. it seems the prospects are full time, unpaid overtime, long hours and probable mental snuffing.

i value time to think, sit and look out the window, and just breathing clean air.
i guess i also value being able to buy nice cooking oil, and cheese.
but to reconcile dreams and reality is really annoying.

what do we have to do these days to be happy with a balanced life?

i think these are the most important questions we should be asking ourselves in this day in age is , what do we need to live, and be balanced? it seems more realistic to make sure we are able to enjoy our life and personal leisure in times of uncertainty. and plan, for what we can see to be reasonable types of employment that suffice a decent life.

i know for now i can see the world in such a crystalline way but, as soon as I get married, have children or bear the responsibility of taking care of my parents, that question of balance will be much harder to answer.
so why not for now, just float and do what I can to get by?
make some money after i graduate, live frugally but meaningfully. deep in dirt farming or something, take a pay cut, pay off some debt and don't rush to get anywhere too fast. what is wrong with that?

it seems all too timely that i am pursuing job prospects in the highest echelons of power in Canada, but I want some sort of reserved quiet life. maybe my goals right now are just not matching up to my values and that where i am going wrong. actually, that is where i am going wrong.

this thinking i am doing, is probably something people do everyday but is very hard to act on. heck, i can't even imagine changing my goals but maybe i should? maybe i should subvert what is expected of me by pursuing what i expect of myself. i wonder why that is so hard to even fathom at all...
if you are reading this (kat) i am not going to de-register from social life or anything and reject all the previous goals i have had. i am just going to whittle away on what exactly i would like to preference or value in my present and future in some obnoxiously theoretical way.


Sunday, February 19, 2012


if you were to pursue grace, what would that mean?

Sunday, February 5, 2012

let yourself go

pick up some sticks
start a brush fire
with only the focus of your soul
spark imagination.

give yourself some moments, daily,
cross your legs and breath
use those breezes to let go

purify your mind,
read widely
and remember
to let yourself go.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

observatory in progress

firstly, as a number of presidential student union campaigns roll around i am once again confronted with blatant attempts to get the apathetic to mobilize, in hopes that marginal voter will have marginal interest in your cause or party.

additionally - i have been observing some weird consecutive 'attacks' of Project Interest Research Groups (PIRGs) in Quebec and Ontario. there seems to be an attempt to de-legitimize this organization and eliminate their ability to collect student fees. issues regarding technicalities of paying fees for these groups seem to inspire fervent debate and strong disdain for PIRGs. from my experience these groups are largely innocuous to university affairs and rather focus on their community of students that they serve.

this microcosm of political activity seems to signify the growing fear and uninformed nature of political attacks that pervades society. i would like to explicitly state that i am anti-ignorance. i wager it is highly unlikely any students that vehemently oppose PIRGs have ever attended a PIRG event, workshop or office. they (anti-PRGers) have simply masterminded that this group is explicitly supporting a personally offensive political agenda and therefore should not be able to support itself by collecting student fees directly (the irony of club funding). all the while i have YET to hear a student uprising of the political agendas of universities in Canada. especially the agendas of the student unions, administration or other clubs that partially or fully base their income on the collection of student fees. how can these organizations be arbitrarily delineated based on some 'scary' political agenda'?

moreover, i wonder where our society thinks it is going when freedom of thought and fostering that freedom is perpetually getting harder and harder. yes, you could call what i am saying 'left of center support' but let us get super real. that political left and right spectrum actually means nothing. i swear some dinkus made it up to make it more palatable 'to the average man' inadvertently creating chasms of political faith between groups of people that need to be working TOGETHER and not AGAINST each other. PIRGs as anti-oppression organizations allow spaces for all kinds of misunderstood or under represented ideas and projects to flourish or die. what is so bad about that?

yes, i am exaggerating a situation in a microcosm of the world. but (and there is a big but) these microcosm are supposed to be the place where you can make up ideas, pursue passions and extend limits of thought and belief. universities are the places where 'thinkers' go to think a lot and tell us what to think and talk to other thinkers. why is it, that supposedly 'absurd' opinions are to be shafted, and have the air taken out of them just because you don't like it?

i increasingly feel like if you don't want to be heteronormative, anglo-saxxon and rich you should just get out of town. politics is worrying me, changing and becoming more difficult for me to navigate through articles when i see so much effed up shit going on around me. i dunno if i am going to jump into the arms of change anytime soon but a life in non-partisan politics right now also seems like a very real viable option and pill i have to swallow.

i truly hate political parties, and i have trouble deciding what to advocate for because, the system is all fucked up. all i figure i can do is focus on my own actions, be honest with myself and tell people what i think as often and as clearly as possible. maybe be subversive too? who knows.

this is turning into a ramble and accident self-reflection.
my point is - our politics and mindsets are changing. these things are practiced in our everyday lives even though we don't always acknowledge them. whether its limiting funding to a group and silencing its voice or choosing a different kind of detergent . our lives are living breathing political dilemmas that we are brave enough to take everyday.

i guess for the next little while in my life i am going to go searching in places and through people what this problem is , and the answer to it. maybe i will write a convoluted text one day that will get people thinking, talking and acting. who knows?

until then, i am going to hang out and watch glee...judge me now.

Monday, January 23, 2012


skating in little catarqui conservation area. beautiful and a great way to spend the day with a good friend/laugh partner.