Saturday, October 4, 2014


today i was so brain dead from my week, i sunned on a parking-lot embankment as the cars went buy waiting for my car to get serviced. a total of 5 hours of waiting, and my lovely little CC has been fixed and tire-changed.

sometimes i worry i am getting less patient, that my ability to forgive is lessening and that in general i am becoming less good. more jaded by humanity or something.

but, as most worries go, it is pretty unfounded. i've found a way to forgive someone who hurt me, to love more people and to try to start all over again, and again.

some days are harder than others to forget all the words in your head, and just breath, just be wherever you are. intention, is important, and i try to find out what my honest intention is with how i engage with people, or pursue goals in order to get a strong sense of why i need to do something, or talk to someone or even think so hard. then you just let it be.

when you can be just 'there' just so present, just so alive then you are like hey look - the sun is setting on another day in this city, it's warm, and everything glistens-good.

i'm still reading on the road, and it seems that Sal & Dean have lots of conversations about 'deciding everything' , having all-the-things decided and so sure yet only to fall to the peril of their own foolishness, addictions and ailments. Their combined 'madness' is entertaining, and you start to feel frustrated like the 'girls' are frustrated with them. i suppose we all have times in our lives where we are just running, bouncing and hurting without knowing where to land but we have some vague idea that a dream is going to find us.

right now i love valerie june, and hozier. two soulful singers who seem to give each note a certain personality and a certain shade of wonder.

this post is vague, and i didn't mean it to go anywhere. i don't feel like i am running from or to anything right now, like i used to. is this content? 

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