in between here , and that and this. sometimes i meander.
i am principled, flexible, idealistic, stubborn and forgiving to a fault.
where do i go?
i am principled, flexible, idealistic, stubborn and forgiving to a fault.
where do i go?
Monday, November 3, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
comfortable contradiction
i went for a walk today along the bow river pathway that shoulders memorial dr.
it was lovely, warm and the sun was just entering its last phase of setting.
all kinds of people were out, walking, running, slouched over, smiling, etc.
as i sauntered through the 10th street pedestrian underpass, i crossed the path of 2 young men. high. one of them was hugging a boom box to his hear to listen to the music that was pumping out of it as he danced/stumbled. the other turned to me and said joyously 'exercising?' ... i turned back and said 'that's right!'.
2 wayward, unkempt gentleman perhaps deep in a trance to numb something no one can fathom.
but as soon as i walk past them, and turn my gaze toward the river i am enchanted by how fast the water is moving, the different sounds of wooshing and wooring of the water. as well, the tall, sometime ominous well-lit towers that block out the stars.
it's this stark contradiction that is in part modern city life, in part a function of calgary's economy and in part just how beautiful and painful life is.
when i was 15 i started an online poetry blog profile with the username 'SweetPain'. it's weird reading it now, the poems i wrote and the screen name just sounds super s&m'ish but I digress. Maybe at 15, i was just as enchanted by the idea of contradiction as i am now.
i have always been trying to make out my own path and do my own thing. whether it be in a weird, unique or whatever where. i'm a walking contradiction. i am raised this way, so i should say these things but no...I don't want to do that or this. (if you know me i think you get what i am saying? maybe?)
but i think that's why i like most in others, what makes them so unlike what i would expect. because it helps me, understand how judgmental i am. it helps me understand how society has nurtured me so to think this way or that way or someone. it's taught me to love people, for all of that weird shit that they do.
i wouldn't say it makes me forgiving, i would say it makes me insanely curious and sometimes overly patient with someone. i think to myself - 'no! they have to be nice/they can't be an asshole'. and most of the time i am right. i end up finding those other-sides, that most are too impatient to find. it has , and does drive me to madness. the times i am not right, i am sick over wondering what i could have said or done, or explained or given to just make them wanna be cool with me. this, i think i need to forgive myself for a little more for that.
what makes you a walking contradiction?
it was lovely, warm and the sun was just entering its last phase of setting.
all kinds of people were out, walking, running, slouched over, smiling, etc.
as i sauntered through the 10th street pedestrian underpass, i crossed the path of 2 young men. high. one of them was hugging a boom box to his hear to listen to the music that was pumping out of it as he danced/stumbled. the other turned to me and said joyously 'exercising?' ... i turned back and said 'that's right!'.
2 wayward, unkempt gentleman perhaps deep in a trance to numb something no one can fathom.
but as soon as i walk past them, and turn my gaze toward the river i am enchanted by how fast the water is moving, the different sounds of wooshing and wooring of the water. as well, the tall, sometime ominous well-lit towers that block out the stars.
it's this stark contradiction that is in part modern city life, in part a function of calgary's economy and in part just how beautiful and painful life is.
when i was 15 i started an online poetry blog profile with the username 'SweetPain'. it's weird reading it now, the poems i wrote and the screen name just sounds super s&m'ish but I digress. Maybe at 15, i was just as enchanted by the idea of contradiction as i am now.
i have always been trying to make out my own path and do my own thing. whether it be in a weird, unique or whatever where. i'm a walking contradiction. i am raised this way, so i should say these things but no...I don't want to do that or this. (if you know me i think you get what i am saying? maybe?)
but i think that's why i like most in others, what makes them so unlike what i would expect. because it helps me, understand how judgmental i am. it helps me understand how society has nurtured me so to think this way or that way or someone. it's taught me to love people, for all of that weird shit that they do.
i wouldn't say it makes me forgiving, i would say it makes me insanely curious and sometimes overly patient with someone. i think to myself - 'no! they have to be nice/they can't be an asshole'. and most of the time i am right. i end up finding those other-sides, that most are too impatient to find. it has , and does drive me to madness. the times i am not right, i am sick over wondering what i could have said or done, or explained or given to just make them wanna be cool with me. this, i think i need to forgive myself for a little more for that.
what makes you a walking contradiction?
Saturday, October 4, 2014
running
today i was so brain dead from my week, i sunned on a parking-lot embankment as the cars went buy waiting for my car to get serviced. a total of 5 hours of waiting, and my lovely little CC has been fixed and tire-changed.
sometimes i worry i am getting less patient, that my ability to forgive is lessening and that in general i am becoming less good. more jaded by humanity or something.
but, as most worries go, it is pretty unfounded. i've found a way to forgive someone who hurt me, to love more people and to try to start all over again, and again.
some days are harder than others to forget all the words in your head, and just breath, just be wherever you are. intention, is important, and i try to find out what my honest intention is with how i engage with people, or pursue goals in order to get a strong sense of why i need to do something, or talk to someone or even think so hard. then you just let it be.
when you can be just 'there' just so present, just so alive then you are like hey look - the sun is setting on another day in this city, it's warm, and everything glistens-good.
i'm still reading on the road, and it seems that Sal & Dean have lots of conversations about 'deciding everything' , having all-the-things decided and so sure yet only to fall to the peril of their own foolishness, addictions and ailments. Their combined 'madness' is entertaining, and you start to feel frustrated like the 'girls' are frustrated with them. i suppose we all have times in our lives where we are just running, bouncing and hurting without knowing where to land but we have some vague idea that a dream is going to find us.
right now i love valerie june, and hozier. two soulful singers who seem to give each note a certain personality and a certain shade of wonder.
this post is vague, and i didn't mean it to go anywhere. i don't feel like i am running from or to anything right now, like i used to. is this content?
sometimes i worry i am getting less patient, that my ability to forgive is lessening and that in general i am becoming less good. more jaded by humanity or something.
but, as most worries go, it is pretty unfounded. i've found a way to forgive someone who hurt me, to love more people and to try to start all over again, and again.
some days are harder than others to forget all the words in your head, and just breath, just be wherever you are. intention, is important, and i try to find out what my honest intention is with how i engage with people, or pursue goals in order to get a strong sense of why i need to do something, or talk to someone or even think so hard. then you just let it be.
when you can be just 'there' just so present, just so alive then you are like hey look - the sun is setting on another day in this city, it's warm, and everything glistens-good.
i'm still reading on the road, and it seems that Sal & Dean have lots of conversations about 'deciding everything' , having all-the-things decided and so sure yet only to fall to the peril of their own foolishness, addictions and ailments. Their combined 'madness' is entertaining, and you start to feel frustrated like the 'girls' are frustrated with them. i suppose we all have times in our lives where we are just running, bouncing and hurting without knowing where to land but we have some vague idea that a dream is going to find us.
right now i love valerie june, and hozier. two soulful singers who seem to give each note a certain personality and a certain shade of wonder.
this post is vague, and i didn't mean it to go anywhere. i don't feel like i am running from or to anything right now, like i used to. is this content?
Thursday, March 13, 2014
accept your love
I think it is really hard to love yourself for all that you are.
The past 9 months have been an ongoing project and learning to love all the parts of me:
the intelligent part, my naivety, my religion, my face, my feet, my body, my laugh all the things i think are detractors are all things i need to find happiness in and love.
it is so hard to like all the parts of you at once, i haven't reached a place where i completely self love but i have taken steps to learn about what that looks like.
as this full moon comes upon us, i think this moon signifies a natural progression to self-love for me. i want to find that and share it with the people i love around me. part of my journey, really has been learning to pick and choose the people i care about the most. the ones that call me , and make plans to talk and call check in on me everyday (dad and mom!).
i'd like to take a moment to thank you all. i love you! from the bottom of my heart.
The past 9 months have been an ongoing project and learning to love all the parts of me:
the intelligent part, my naivety, my religion, my face, my feet, my body, my laugh all the things i think are detractors are all things i need to find happiness in and love.
it is so hard to like all the parts of you at once, i haven't reached a place where i completely self love but i have taken steps to learn about what that looks like.
as this full moon comes upon us, i think this moon signifies a natural progression to self-love for me. i want to find that and share it with the people i love around me. part of my journey, really has been learning to pick and choose the people i care about the most. the ones that call me , and make plans to talk and call check in on me everyday (dad and mom!).
i'd like to take a moment to thank you all. i love you! from the bottom of my heart.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
hey don't i know you?
i went to this event on sunday
pretty cool thing, basically went to a dudes apartment and talked to people i've never met.
a few things happend
1) i fell into infatuation (typical)
2) i exercised my intellectual side like crazy
3) i talked a lot - 3 hours straight (i know what you are thinking, obv you did that you talk so much anyway nes...i swear i listened and took breaths).
the event is centered around having cool people engage with one another which i can digg! i went with my pal pete, he is an excellent conversationalist if i say so myself.
i think i thrive in the realm of ideas. that is my one personality trait marker if you will...
the people i met were all educated, well traveled...waspy.
at the end of it, we did an exit survey because they were recording and doing a study on the events and WSKEO in general. the survey asked one q- did you meet anyone for dating, friendship or sex? i got a little uncomfortable, but i answered yes.
is the point of all our interactions to see an end ? to meet a need? i wonder.
like do we just go into events like this, parties, coffee shop or work to meet our human need for companionship, physical touch or love? that's probably not true all the time, but i find myself before i go out wondering if i will make a friend or meet a dude. and i mean i am open to all of those things, all the time, but is that my goal? it's an interesting question.
anyway, if you are reading this , and you know me assume that i miss you.
write soon.
nes
pretty cool thing, basically went to a dudes apartment and talked to people i've never met.
a few things happend
1) i fell into infatuation (typical)
2) i exercised my intellectual side like crazy
3) i talked a lot - 3 hours straight (i know what you are thinking, obv you did that you talk so much anyway nes...i swear i listened and took breaths).
the event is centered around having cool people engage with one another which i can digg! i went with my pal pete, he is an excellent conversationalist if i say so myself.
i think i thrive in the realm of ideas. that is my one personality trait marker if you will...
the people i met were all educated, well traveled...waspy.
at the end of it, we did an exit survey because they were recording and doing a study on the events and WSKEO in general. the survey asked one q- did you meet anyone for dating, friendship or sex? i got a little uncomfortable, but i answered yes.
is the point of all our interactions to see an end ? to meet a need? i wonder.
like do we just go into events like this, parties, coffee shop or work to meet our human need for companionship, physical touch or love? that's probably not true all the time, but i find myself before i go out wondering if i will make a friend or meet a dude. and i mean i am open to all of those things, all the time, but is that my goal? it's an interesting question.
anyway, if you are reading this , and you know me assume that i miss you.
write soon.
nes
Saturday, July 20, 2013
i'm alive.
Since moving here (Calgary) I have been damn near overwhelmed by the support and generosity I have received both in and out of the City.
It means a lot to me that my friends, who I left in Hamilton still contact me and care about my well-being. Whether it is talking to be about finance (Kat), sending me letters, emails or just wondering what is up.
My friends in the City (specifically my favourite Adamson and her family) have been so kind to me, and it is rare that you find such warm people. My coworkers as well, and even the random people I meet on the street are so amazing. I got insurance advice while watching the fireworks at the Stampede. How cool is that?!
Calling my parents can be hard sometimes, because I wish I was with them. I often start crying when I am on the phone with them. It's hard, I love it here and I love them. My brother moved back to Hamilton, so I feel better about them and their well-being.
I think part of growing up is making hard decisions, I have had to make a few of those lately and they rack my brain. Every decision holds a 50% chance of failure, but that doesn't mean any wrong decision ends everything. You wake up , and you move on.
Finding peace and calm here has been surprisingly easy - most of my family and friends are a phone call away, and I just remind myself of where I have come from and how hard I worked to be here. I am 99% sure I will be back in the Hammer the first week of November. November is a crappy month, no offence to my November birthday friends, it will be nice to see my family then.
So far, this has been an amazing lesson in learning about the meaning of dreams coming true and dealing with the reality of that.
Side note - is it offensive to be wearing headphones at an open-mic? I kind of am right now...but I'm not listening to music. She's singing Adele I can't even deal *weeps*
If you are thinking of visiting Calgary please do - bring enough money for a rental car or sign up for Car2Go while you are here.
Until then
Bean
It means a lot to me that my friends, who I left in Hamilton still contact me and care about my well-being. Whether it is talking to be about finance (Kat), sending me letters, emails or just wondering what is up.
My friends in the City (specifically my favourite Adamson and her family) have been so kind to me, and it is rare that you find such warm people. My coworkers as well, and even the random people I meet on the street are so amazing. I got insurance advice while watching the fireworks at the Stampede. How cool is that?!
Calling my parents can be hard sometimes, because I wish I was with them. I often start crying when I am on the phone with them. It's hard, I love it here and I love them. My brother moved back to Hamilton, so I feel better about them and their well-being.
I think part of growing up is making hard decisions, I have had to make a few of those lately and they rack my brain. Every decision holds a 50% chance of failure, but that doesn't mean any wrong decision ends everything. You wake up , and you move on.
Finding peace and calm here has been surprisingly easy - most of my family and friends are a phone call away, and I just remind myself of where I have come from and how hard I worked to be here. I am 99% sure I will be back in the Hammer the first week of November. November is a crappy month, no offence to my November birthday friends, it will be nice to see my family then.
So far, this has been an amazing lesson in learning about the meaning of dreams coming true and dealing with the reality of that.
Side note - is it offensive to be wearing headphones at an open-mic? I kind of am right now...but I'm not listening to music. She's singing Adele I can't even deal *weeps*
If you are thinking of visiting Calgary please do - bring enough money for a rental car or sign up for Car2Go while you are here.
Until then
Bean
Sunday, April 28, 2013
there's something about heartbreak
one of the hardest things as a women, a girl and wise elder I will have to deal with is heart break.
so far, my responses are to cry , yell , analyze, sleep , eat and generally try to distract myself.
for me a broken heart seems to be one of the best things I am really good at mending - for other people.
I typically find it cathartic to run away when I am feeling upset, or frustrated. probably why I like running in general.
It has been harder for me to see a failure as a step in the right direction even if it took some bruises to figure that out - especially when it comes to love. I want to feel like a feather when things go wrong, I want to feel like I am a feather that soars with each new gust of wind.
that's probably why I love birds so much. I find their ability to fly, continue with their busy work and sing each day at the top of their lungs inspiring.
with a flap, they can get away. maybe I should be a pilot?
I think this post is a ramble, I think I am meandering around how I really feel.
regardless, I am trying to figure out how to let go lately because that seems to take a stubborn kind of strength to do. it's hard, but accepting seems to be in the end easier than holding on to patterns that hurt.
maybe it is bad power dynamics that I am into, or maybe it is a feeling of perfecting something that doesn't quite work. or maybe, it is this weird fascination I have with falling hard and fast.
whatever it is, I hate it as much as I love it.
ps - I have been off facebook because of this strange sense of anxiety is produces for me. until I can deal I won't be back on for a while. email / tweet / text if you need me.
so far, my responses are to cry , yell , analyze, sleep , eat and generally try to distract myself.
for me a broken heart seems to be one of the best things I am really good at mending - for other people.
I typically find it cathartic to run away when I am feeling upset, or frustrated. probably why I like running in general.
It has been harder for me to see a failure as a step in the right direction even if it took some bruises to figure that out - especially when it comes to love. I want to feel like a feather when things go wrong, I want to feel like I am a feather that soars with each new gust of wind.
that's probably why I love birds so much. I find their ability to fly, continue with their busy work and sing each day at the top of their lungs inspiring.
with a flap, they can get away. maybe I should be a pilot?
I think this post is a ramble, I think I am meandering around how I really feel.
regardless, I am trying to figure out how to let go lately because that seems to take a stubborn kind of strength to do. it's hard, but accepting seems to be in the end easier than holding on to patterns that hurt.
maybe it is bad power dynamics that I am into, or maybe it is a feeling of perfecting something that doesn't quite work. or maybe, it is this weird fascination I have with falling hard and fast.
whatever it is, I hate it as much as I love it.
ps - I have been off facebook because of this strange sense of anxiety is produces for me. until I can deal I won't be back on for a while. email / tweet / text if you need me.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
what kind of parking lots do you hang out it in?
but seriously?
i was walking around where i live today and it dawned on me - parking lots are places that i have spent part of my adolescent and adult life in just waiting for people or things to happen.
parking lot culture is crude at times - lots of fighting, spitting and puking. it could be romantic too - plenty of making out and more than that happening in vans, trucks and convertibles.
it could be a place of business - i've seen a few exchanges of things illegal or not happen there.
more than anything, parking lots are fucking ugly. who has ever been to a parking lot that you are all 'wow what a glamorous place to park my car and have all of it's oil leak all over everything!'
well, if you have found it let me know. maybe it exists in vegas ?
i was walking around where i live today and it dawned on me - parking lots are places that i have spent part of my adolescent and adult life in just waiting for people or things to happen.
parking lot culture is crude at times - lots of fighting, spitting and puking. it could be romantic too - plenty of making out and more than that happening in vans, trucks and convertibles.
it could be a place of business - i've seen a few exchanges of things illegal or not happen there.
more than anything, parking lots are fucking ugly. who has ever been to a parking lot that you are all 'wow what a glamorous place to park my car and have all of it's oil leak all over everything!'
well, if you have found it let me know. maybe it exists in vegas ?
Monday, November 19, 2012
the oddness
sometimes i think the most attractive thing about someone is how fundamentally weird they are. just because i don't know them and there is something really cool about what makes someone abnormal. maybe it's because i've categorized myself that way for the majority of life. or that people have also categorized me that way. i'd say i present as fairly abnormal. i don't blend well into groups, i most always have to stand out like it's a compulsion. it's because i talk loud, i'm a bit taller than most ladies , i need to ask question, and i always need to be at the center of the action. but i really hate driving a car.
in a vehicle i'd rather someone else knew the route and took the wheel; while i napped, daydreamed or stargazed.
it'd be nice to figure out one day what's so attractive about me , so i can tell people if they ask me that question with a thoroughly formulated answer like: 'well statistically it's my...' or i could start consuming radium and glow like burns. not that that's a bad look or anything.
in a vehicle i'd rather someone else knew the route and took the wheel; while i napped, daydreamed or stargazed.
it'd be nice to figure out one day what's so attractive about me , so i can tell people if they ask me that question with a thoroughly formulated answer like: 'well statistically it's my...' or i could start consuming radium and glow like burns. not that that's a bad look or anything.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
trails and nature and things
this afternoon i went to one of my favourite trails in hamilton, which is a path off of the wentworth stairs. the trail is drop dead gorgeous and very steep - it feels like there is a rope tied around waste and someone in front of you is pulling you the whole time. this ensures you are running the whole time, and totally focused on what you are doing. otherwise you are bound to fall face flat on into the mud.
it was a nice break for me today because it reminded of what i really love - the outdoors and animals the wind and trees. i am so lucky to be living so close to so much green stuff!
i took a train ride home with my gal pal/super women friend (kat) on friday afternoon from toronto. i have never done this, and am ashamed i have never done this. 1) because i love trains 2) because the view you get when you are coming around the bay is sensational. just imagine, lots of beautiful greenery, you look to your right then wabam the sun is bright and the water is glistening. i hope they increase go train service soon, because that's worth the 9 dollar and 90 cents trip.
today i also started scrap booking which has resulted in a renewal of my messy room status. it was totally invigorating and such a great way to re-live some of the amazing memories i have had with my closest friends, and family in the past few years. i've visited 8 provinces, and 3 countries. i still have lots to go and lots for my wandering soul to find.
it was a nice break for me today because it reminded of what i really love - the outdoors and animals the wind and trees. i am so lucky to be living so close to so much green stuff!
i took a train ride home with my gal pal/super women friend (kat) on friday afternoon from toronto. i have never done this, and am ashamed i have never done this. 1) because i love trains 2) because the view you get when you are coming around the bay is sensational. just imagine, lots of beautiful greenery, you look to your right then wabam the sun is bright and the water is glistening. i hope they increase go train service soon, because that's worth the 9 dollar and 90 cents trip.
today i also started scrap booking which has resulted in a renewal of my messy room status. it was totally invigorating and such a great way to re-live some of the amazing memories i have had with my closest friends, and family in the past few years. i've visited 8 provinces, and 3 countries. i still have lots to go and lots for my wandering soul to find.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
things i like things i don't
5 things i like about this transition period
1) i wake up whenever the eff i want
2) i go outside and come home whenever i want
3) naps are plentiful
4) exercise is at my leisure
5) i get to hang out with my hilarious family way more
don't like
1) although i am very rarely board, i am fairly often frustrated
2) feeling like i am going nowhere
3) as much as i like my family, i want to be in my own space
4) living in my old hood means running into old hoodlums
5) being totally fucking confused
all in all this period will end (soon I hope) and things will change. just gotta keep truckin'
1) i wake up whenever the eff i want
2) i go outside and come home whenever i want
3) naps are plentiful
4) exercise is at my leisure
5) i get to hang out with my hilarious family way more
don't like
1) although i am very rarely board, i am fairly often frustrated
2) feeling like i am going nowhere
3) as much as i like my family, i want to be in my own space
4) living in my old hood means running into old hoodlums
5) being totally fucking confused
all in all this period will end (soon I hope) and things will change. just gotta keep truckin'
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
xross country canada 2
abandoned train car in rural sask
late night saskatoon
and she's comin' round the mountain.
xross country canada
upper berth - via rail train
train viewing car
lovely lake-y ontario
abandoned northern ontario deli-shop
prairie sunset
winnipeg, ghandi statuel'ouest
eagle mountain panorama view
after climbing grouse mountain
UBC rose garden
vancouver harbour
golden gate bridge - from stanley parkFriday, June 8, 2012
blank slate
masters in hand and wide open eyes. what's next you ask?
i have no idea and for right now i am totally okay with that.
it's so nice to have the feeling that you can do anything and take some time to figure what that thing is. i am so thankful for this.
felicitation to all my friends who finished their masters today and all of my other friends kicking ass across the globe.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
maybe cultural anthropology is useful...
so i have been thinking lately (like usual) about matrices of meaning. if you look at the world around you right now, what you are looking at is an aggregate of atoms that create forms of 'things' , objects, animals and peoples and then a complex web of meaning and value placed upon it.
i am trying to think how the way we understand these values applies to our own thoughts of ourselves. at times the incorrectly constructed matrix can make you feel MEANINGLESS and worthless because your sense of value has led you to believe so. but that is the thing, it is SO easy to change the perception of what you value and morph that piece of cake you are having into the best experience of your life. or your computer into a vessel of your creativity/destruction. i don't think this is as simple as everything is your perspective per se, but i am getting at the idea of how we choose to fit our ideas into the greater workings. our own identity in some grander local, territorial, global or universal order. religions, cultures and institutions play a huge role in how we understand these systems of meaning how we perceive our present, future and past. i guess that is what has attracted me to policy, because it is an institution that imposes a set of rules and norms onto a public to create order/meet expectations. this isn't a one-way stream of information though, it's interactive/ongoing (symbolic interactionism - google it and have your mind blown).
the political anthropology is rarely acknowledged and i should start pursuing this topic in my classes or something. if we acknowledge systems that we work within, and start thinking of things like in the way the matrix was structured or even the most recent brain thriller inception, then we would be able to crawl inside the idea and really figure it out. i was going to write 'make more effective policy' but i mentally slapped myself instead.
i guess that's what i am thinking about today. capture the power of your brainium and alter your perception...if you dare
xo
bean
i am trying to think how the way we understand these values applies to our own thoughts of ourselves. at times the incorrectly constructed matrix can make you feel MEANINGLESS and worthless because your sense of value has led you to believe so. but that is the thing, it is SO easy to change the perception of what you value and morph that piece of cake you are having into the best experience of your life. or your computer into a vessel of your creativity/destruction. i don't think this is as simple as everything is your perspective per se, but i am getting at the idea of how we choose to fit our ideas into the greater workings. our own identity in some grander local, territorial, global or universal order. religions, cultures and institutions play a huge role in how we understand these systems of meaning how we perceive our present, future and past. i guess that is what has attracted me to policy, because it is an institution that imposes a set of rules and norms onto a public to create order/meet expectations. this isn't a one-way stream of information though, it's interactive/ongoing (symbolic interactionism - google it and have your mind blown).
the political anthropology is rarely acknowledged and i should start pursuing this topic in my classes or something. if we acknowledge systems that we work within, and start thinking of things like in the way the matrix was structured or even the most recent brain thriller inception, then we would be able to crawl inside the idea and really figure it out. i was going to write 'make more effective policy' but i mentally slapped myself instead.
i guess that's what i am thinking about today. capture the power of your brainium and alter your perception...if you dare
xo
bean
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